Our Reasons to Relay!

Birthday Party? But it’s Not Your Birthday!

My name is John Cupp, I am writing this as a caregiver for my mother-in-law, Sue Carberry. Our Relay for Life Team is Sue’s Shinning Stars, named in her honor. Sue was active in the Crawford County Relay for several years. She was diagnosed with Small Carcinoma lung cancer, in Nov 1998. She has smoked since she was a pre-teen, but you do not have to smoke to get this cancer.

I want to tell you about the “BEST” Birthday party I have every attended!!!!!

I’ve always been a momma’s boy and my mom, Mona Cupp, was also diagnosed two weeks after Sue with Chronic Lymphatic Leukemia (CLL). Both moms in two weeks, was too much for me.

Under a star lit crisp fall sky, I sat on our porch and cried and prayed for what seemed like hours for God’s will. How am I going to do this God? Why? I was so scared and only know I did not want to lose them, I needed Gods and peace and comfort. In the midst of my strife, I looked to the sky. A star fell about 50 feet right in front of me, burning almost all the way to the ground. I though WOW God, and was frightened at first. Falling stars happen all the time, but I believe there are no consequences. God used this act of nature to let me know he was listening, he understands suffering like no other can. Then I felt God’s love and the relief that comes only through him. I realized my God loves me beyond measure and he was telling me he was going to take care of me and my family, no matter what.

My mom’s CLL did not require chemotherapy until 2006 and is now in remission. Sue has not been so fortunate. At the next doctor’s that same year, 1998, the Dr. said this cancer is aggressive and it has gotten in her blood (metastasized). If you do not take treatment and let the cancer run its course you may live six months. If you take treatments you may live up to a year. She did not blink an eye, she said, “I’m going to fight it”. My wife and I were still in shock.

She took the chemo treatments, her hair started falling out. She asked me to shave her head and we joked about it when I wanted to cry. The cancer shrunk and went into remission for about 2 years. It came back but the doctors had new and different chemotherapy they treated her with each time. The remission times became shorter. Every time, she would say “I’m going to fight it.” She braved seven different rounds of chemotherapy.  It is extraordinary for a person with her type of cancer to live 4 to 5 years. She beat the odds and lived 7 years. She was a remarkable, loving, stubborn and determined person. She was even working on her GED when she got to sick to continue.   

This is where the American Cancer Society comes in. The money raised goes to find a cure. I always thought, “A Cure”, yeah right. Then one day I was enlightened that a cure does not necessarily mean a complete healing, in every case. There are new medicines being developed to improve the treatment for this horrible disease. It prolongs lives, giving families priceless time together. We got seven years extra to spend with Sue, which included her “Dream vacation”. We spent ten days visiting all the Disney parks, stopped by Jacksonville Beach , Fl. She had never been to the ocean in her life, being a Yankee. She sat in the waves as they washed over her and laughed and enjoyed every moment of it. There were many holidays, birthdays, camping, and fishing trips we enjoyed together.

In January 2006, Sue’s doctors said it was back and there was nothing else they could do for her. She rapidly declined and we had to do something. My daughters, Elizabeth & Heather, my wife Marilyn and I had a decision to make. We knew what the right thing to do was. She moved in with us, it turned our house upside down. Hospice was brought in; constant care was needed, giving medications, cooking, feeding, cleaning, etc. Sue started getting her affairs in order, knowing it would not be long. She planned her funeral, down to the clothes she would wear. The doctors said it could be any day. How frustrating, waking up thinking is she going to be alive when I check on her, will today be “The Day”.

She and I had a great relationship, more like mother and son. I could straighten her out real quick. I painted her toe and finger nails and put make up on her. It made her day, and mine. She loved it when people would compliment her on how good she looked.

One day Sue said “I want to have my birthday party”. I said “it is March and your birthday is not until November”. She said “I don’t think I will make it that long”.  WOW, okay, shut me up real quick. We put a St Patrick’s birthday party together. Sue was trilled and looked forward to it for days. We decorated her room, and the house. What do you get someone who is dying? Just showing up is enough. She had taken up with dolls and stuffed animals so, that is what she got.

The family and friends showed up with presents and she was like a little kid.  Most importantly the family got to see her while she could talk, get out of bed and play with her new presents and with the kids. At one point we were all in the room and standing around her, talking, joking, and laughing! What a GIFT from God!

Grant their wishes no matter how silly they seem to you! I just wish we could have had Halloween, Thanksgiving & Christmas before she passed.

We were down to the final days. She seemed to be hanging on for some unresolved issue. I asked and she said it was her daughter and grand daughters. Who was going to take care of them? Holding back tears, I said “I promise you, I will always take care of them”. Hesitant, she said “are you sure”? I said “Yes, I promise”.

Two hours after our conversation she slipped into a coma like state. Two days later, on March 27th 2006, she passed from this world to the next. Every year we have participated in the relay. I can’t forget her smiling face as I pushed her around her last survivors lap at the Relay for Life 2005. We love and miss our Gran Gran tremendously!